


Irrevocable

by IheartKyloRen



Series: Magnetic Minds [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sex, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren is a Mess, POV Kylo Ren, Pregnant Rey (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:35:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23044873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IheartKyloRen/pseuds/IheartKyloRen
Summary: Kylo has to learn how to deal with Rey leaving him. In finding himself, he reconnects briefly with him mom as they both wait to hear from Rey. When Rey reaches out to him, he assures her where she needs to be.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Magnetic Minds [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643683
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	Irrevocable

**Author's Note:**

> Not really a trigger warning because it isn't anything graphic or too dark, but there is a slight bit of implied aggression towards the end. Nothing I think would require a real trigger warning, because it is already so naturally a part of the character to begin with. We all know why we love us some Kylo, let's be honest. 
> 
> Also, my apologies for taking a bit of time getting this one together. I had to find a way to really connect with Kylo Ren here to flesh out how he would respond to Rey's antics. 
> 
> On another note, I am working on updating my chapter story Only With You this weekend. I actually received an interesting comment that makes me want to say, remember before every storm there is a calm. It's brewing.

Watching his TIE fighter take off, Rey in command, Kylo Ren holds his breath stunned she actually left him and took his fucking Silencer with her. Folding over, his hands brace on his knees as he fights for air to return to his lungs, unaware that he isn’t breathing. Aching inside his chest, his heart beats rampantly at losing her again. This time sneaking out of his quarters in the middle of the night after thinking she had lost the baby. The baby is fine, but Rey has been an emotional wreck for most of whatever relationship they have, growing more erratic as time passes. He isn’t supposed to be the calm one, the level one, but she has left him no choice.

“Sir?” Hux questions from behind.

Kylo stands, straightening the clothes he threw on to look more respectable. “Yes, Hux?”

“She stole your TIE fighter.”

“She did, it’s temporary. Let me know when she returns,” Kylo instructs, walking past him.

“What makes you so sure she will?” Hux toes the line, snidely.

“She will, eventually.”

“Should we attempt to track it?”

“No, she has already disabled all systems for that.”

“Yes, sir.”

Kylo walks the corridors of the Finalizer, no destination in sight. Using the time to think. Reigning in rage that would normally have possessed him by now, knowing it will not change her actions. It will not bring her back any quicker. Never having done so in the past. Time is his only friend while becoming his worst enemy.

Palming the vial she left behind on his bedside table, he knows it is a message, not just a keepsake. A token of her love for him? The small glass bottle is very old, it couldn’t have originated with her. Now he knows why she always smells so good. Laughing a bit, he doubts she realizes to him, that it makes her seem like quite the bitch. The way she smells always being so intoxicating to him. It’s like having her there, but not being able to touch her, or even see her.

That’s when it hits, anger searing through him. The vial shatters against the wall, tiny fragments splaying across the corridor. The fragrance overwhelming. It makes sense for such a small vial to have lasted so long. How could she run off with his baby after what they had just been through?

***

The Silencer has been missing for months, five months exactly. Kylo knows where his TIE fighter is in theory, but it’s actual location not so much. Rey can run scared about almost losing the baby, but she can’t outrun him. They are connected and one day she will reappear to him. It’s been a bit of a process living without her, but he has found he can swallow his feelings long enough to digest and process them, mostly.

In unexpected fashion, Kylo, doesn’t set off a backlash to Rey leaving, not publicly. Hux is in doubt of his ability to run the First Order in the position of Surpeme Leader, his attention always divided. Prominently on Rey and not the organization that is supposed to be bringing order to the galaxy in the way of ending the Resistance. Hux reminds him frequently of where his attention should be, but Kylo isn’t sure himself that he cares all that much to be Supreme Leader anymore. Frankly, he was more afraid to leave for Rey’s sake. What happens if she returns and he has abandoned the ship? As pregnant as she should be by now, he can’t risk endangering her that way. She’s coming back, she has to.

Having to keep his mind focused somewhere he spends most of his time training. Siphoning all the anger, frustration, and rage he can harness into something useful. It’s the only way he manages to sleep, after hours of destroying practice dummy after practice dummy, occasionally the droids that replace them. Sometimes, he stands in the middle of the room and takes in all the scars the walls hold because of him, his need to put damage into something. Breaking what can’t come back to haunt him.

Too many years he thought that he had it all figured out. That he would never need anyone’s companionship, not of any kind. Having your own uncle consider killing you in your sleep will do that to a person. His mom, she always meant well, but her time was never spent ensuring he knew he was her priority. The Resistance was her baby, he was just her child. While his dad was absentee much of the time. Rey is the only one ever constant in his life that didn’t ask him to be anything he isn’t. She accepted him as he is, dark or light. She loves him either way. He owes her more than Kylo Ren though, he knows that. Which is why he’s not allowed himself to be consumed the way he was, instead he worries about her and his baby, waiting as patiently as he can for her.

In space it is always nighttime. Darkness wraps his ship like a blanket passing time in an extraordinary way. No cycle of an actual day and night makes it easier to run it together. Unsure if that makes it longer or faster. Often times he finds himself staring out into that darkness as though she would appear as a beacon calling to him to bring her home. He has even stared out the same window as he spoke to his mother for the first time in years, no subtleties through the Force. No, he needed her, even though he hates to admit it. She loves and misses Rey as well. Now she is aware that she is about to become a grandmother. They are not the easiest conversations, but they check in with each other every few weeks to see if there has been news. Not much else is discussed, Rey being the most important in their unlikely situation. It makes him uncomfortable how she calls him Ben, even Rey has let that name die.

_Fuck Rey, where the hell are you?_

Laying in bed, he wonders if she is even still pregnant, certain if she weren’t he would have felt that through the Force at some point. That’s a ripple that would be hard to miss. 

_Rey, if you can hear me, please come back. I’m not angry with you at all. I know you are scared. Let me back in, baby, please. Leia and I are both very worried about you. We just want to know that you are safe and okay._

Almost like a prayer, he sends out the same message in different ways every night before he goes to sleep. Rey will open herself up to check on him, he knows she will, and she’ll hear one of those messages. Hopefully, she will follow one back to him, or even his mother. He almost doesn’t care any longer if she does come back to him. As long as the baby is alright and in his mother’s added care, he knows they would be fine. 

_Baby, please, I love you. My love is irrevocable._

***

Waking with a start, Kylo is immediately disoriented. His eyes taking in a dark circle above him as he tries to speed up his brain so he can process what is going on. It isn’t a dark circle, its a belly eclipsing the face he has been wanting to see for months. 

“I left your TIE in the hangar,” she greets him awkwardly.

He sits on the side of his bed as she steps back to give him space and rubs the sleep from his face. “What?” he says confused, reaching a hand out to her and gently wrapping it around her wrist ensuring she is real.

“Your ship, it’s safe.”

“Screw the ship, how are you?” He admires her full belly, grateful for it’s size. He knew she would get big, but she is so full looking he wonders how her body is keeping the baby in.

She shrugs at him, and whispers,“pregnant.”

“I see,” he says his hands touching her belly softly in wonder. She wraps her hands over his as he leans his forehead against where her belly button is. Grateful she is there, but also feeling a little in denial. “Are you really here?”

“Did you mean it?” Her infamous ability to change the subject confirms her actual presence.

“What?” He looks up at her, her radiant beaming face.

“About your love for me? That it’s irrevocable?”

“Of course, Rey, I mean fuck you ran off with my baby and my TIE fighter in the middle of the night, and all I care about right now is that you’re here and the baby is safe. I’m not even raising my voice to you”

She nods, swallowing hard. “She’s doing well.”

“She?”  He smiles towards her belly.

“I scavenged for enough money for a med check, they told me then.”

“Scavenged? Now I should yell, Rey that is so dangerous in your condition. What were you thinking? Why didn’t you just stay here with me so I could take care of you?”

He watches as her eyes rim with tears and her lip quivers, just like that day in the shower. His heart pounding hard at the sight of her tears.

“I’m sorry. Help me understand why it had to be this way?”

“So I knew if I didn’t have you I could survive, and also if something happened to me, you could. Then I couldn’t stop wondering about what it all means when we don’t make sense at all. We’re like magnets, constantly attracted to each other, so strong we can’t be pulled apart. At least not forever.”

When he stands, he towers over her as he places his large hands on her cheeks and leans in to kiss her. A small delicate kiss to test her reaction, or possibly to prove she’s still there and not a Force projection. “And what did you learn? Can’t live without me, right?”

She laughs softly, “obviously there’s that, but I found out that we are what they call a Dyad. Two halves that make one whole. It’s why we have such magnetic qualities to each other. Why we can’t stand to be apart, and why we have found our way to making a baby. Why I am light and you are dark. It’s destiny Kylo, if you can believe such a thing.”

“I could have told you that,” he says, his hands still placed upon her cheeks, eyes directed into hers.

“Only on assumption. What I found is weighted in science. We belong. I’ve never belonged anywhere before or with anyone.” She wraps her arms around him, the best her belly will let her, resting her cheek against his chest. “I can’t lose you.”

“You are the one that keeps leaving Rey, not me. I’ve been here waiting for you to come back this entire time,” he explains, placing his arms around her in return.

“I know.” She steps back and wipes her silent tears away. “Also, I found being together brings balance to our personal selves.”

“And what do you suppose that means?” He asks, wrapping his arms back around her and pulling her close again, as if he needs to hold her to keep her from running.

“I think it’s why I have been so depressed. I had so much anger inside that it scared me. I didn’t understand why it kept happening or from what. It just didn’t go away. I didn’t want to end up hating you or for you to hate me,” she whispers, more tears slipping over her cheeks.

“Rey, I- LOVE- YOU- I love you, I have always, will always, and I don’t care how angry you get or I get, this is never going to go away if it is everything you say it is. So you have to stop running now. I will fucking implant a tracker in you if I have to,” he wipes her tears away with his thumbs, smiling. 

“See, the old Kylo would have broken half the things in this room to prove a point. When was the last time you had this much self control? It’s weird isn’t it?” She questions looking around finding everything as it had been left. 

He doesn’t answer her as he subtly pulls the ties around the high waist of the dress she is wearing. Enjoying how her eyes close as he runs his fingers along her bare arms to slip the straps off her shoulders. 

“I missed you,” he breathes against her lips, pressing them to hers.

With a sigh her knees give and he catches her in his arms and carefully moves her to the bed, he sets her down on her knees, his lips finding hers again. 

Snapping one of the strings on waist of her panties he asks, “what is with these? They are almost nonexistent.”

“Cool and comfortable. I’m always hot,” she says, a gleam in her eye. “I thought you’d like them.”

Slipping his fingers inside the sides he slips them off of her. Removing his clothes as he stands beside the bed, he observes her naked body as she lays back waiting for him. Taking in the roundness of her belly, and how incredible it is that there is a human inside of her. That it is _his_ baby. To think he started off adulthood not even allowed to commit to a sexual relationship, and now he’s made a baby. Rey made a good point about their balance, he is more calm. Five months without her is still too damn long.

“You are going to have to be careful.”

“I know,” he says wiping her hair away from her face as he climbs in next to her. “You’ll have to tell me how to do this to keep you comfortable.”

“You just can’t lay on my stomach,” she says, twirling her fingers in his hair, pulling his mouth to hers, her tongue pressing it’s way into his.

Groaning into her kiss, “Rey, tell me where you want me.”

She leans away, biting her lip as if in thought, that gleam returning to her eyes as she stares up into his. “In my heart forever?”

He smiles at her, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Of course, if you stay in mine?”

“Always.” She goes back to kissing him while his hands roam her body raising goosebumps everywhere they go. “It might be easiest if you get behind me.”

Obliging her, he climbs over her quickly, his long limbs making it easy as she giggles at him. 

“It’s a good thing I am so tall, I wouldn’t have made it over you otherwise.” He jokes about her belly. Pulling her close his nose pressed to her neck, he notices she doesn’t smell the same. Regret swims through him. “Rey, remember that vial you left? How important was it?”

“My mother’s perfume, it’s the only thing they ever left me.”

“Oh.”

“Why?” she asks, looking over her shoulder at him.

Ashamed, he feels his cheeks begin to burn. “I loved the way you smell, and I broke it because of it.”

Turning over a bit, surprised by his embarrassment, “I left it, because I wanted you to know I would be back someday. The same reason I thought that they left it for me. They were never coming back though.”

“You are not angry then?”

She shakes her head, “no, it was a favor you didn’t know you were giving me. If you like me to smell pretty, find me another one you like just as much.”

Turning her away from him, he grazes his lips over the back of her neck nibbling in all the sensitive spots as his hand glides over her back in circles. “You smell good anyway,” he says licking the side of her neck where he next sinks his teeth gently into her flesh. With her body melting against his, he reaches around and traces his fingers over her belly and along her side setting off every nerve along the way before landing on her breast. Gripping the entirety of it in his palm he feels her nipple harden against his touch. His breath hot on her ear he nibbles on her earlobe. 

“What do you want me to do to you?” 

Leaning back into him further, “I want you to fuck me, Kylo.” she replies, catching what his question meant. 

He wastes no time arcing her backside closer to him, pinning her leg up in his arm as he slides into her from a difficult, but all too satisfying angle. Able to tell that he hasn’t been inside her in so long, she isn’t as accessible, but she is wet enough for him to push into her anyway. Feeling her tense in his arms he slows down long enough to kiss her shoulder and nibble on the skin of her neck while her body remembers how it is supposed to react to a man his size. 

With a drawn out motion he pulls out of her listening to her sigh in disappointment, before forcing his hips against her so that he buries himself in her again. As deep as he will fit, he lays her leg over his as he reaches to stroke her clit for her, assuming it couldn’t be easy for her at this point. Watching her bite the pillow as soon as he touches her makes a chill skim through his nerves wondering just how intense it is for her. 

“Rey, let me in,” he begs her darkly.

“Aren’t you?” she says, with an airy breath.

“No, let me _IN_ .” 

As soon as she opens her mind to him, he already feels himself on the verge. The feelings she has coursing through her are tremendously strong. Biting her shoulder to help contain himself he watches in her mind as he circles the best spot on her body lightly, playing with different directions and observing the way she responds. He didn’t need a lot of attention for him to be where he needs to be, so he focuses all of his energy into drawing her out as far as he can. Sucking on her skin. Marking her with his teeth, he glides within her in an almost painfully slow rhythm. He knows it is almost painful, because he can see how it is driving her crazy, it’s the only thing keeping him from cumming in her now after all this time apart. 

“Why are you making this so difficult,” she groans at him, fisting the sheets. 

“Because, I want you to remember how I can torture you, if you think about leaving again.”

“Even though it feels like this?”

“Next time I won’t be so nice, so let’s be sure this was the last time you leave,” he demands thrusting himself back inside her in one swift motion. 

Watching her bite the pillow again, he brings her to the edge. He can feel her pulsing around him as much as he can feel himself pulsing inside of her. As she begins to cum, he wraps his arm around her hips pulling her down onto him as deep as he can get while he cums too, his teeth drawing blood from her shoulder. 

Keeping her cradled to him he swallows painfully, apologizing for biting her too hard. Panting to catch her breath she laughs.

“It was worth it.”

“Rey?” he says after a long moment.

“Yes, Kylo?”

“Nothing bad is going to happen is it? I mean last time...”

“No, nothing bad will happen.”

“But how do you know?” he asks anxiously.

Switching sides, she looks him hard in the face. “I promise you, it is fine this time. I wouldn’t have let you if I had any doubts.” She grabs his cheeks and kisses him. “I promise, the doctor said so.”

“Rey, one more thing,” he says softly.

“Yes?”

He slips his fingers into her hair pulling it taut behind her head, not quite painfully, but ensuring he has her attention. “Leave me again and I will find a way to fucking hurt you. You are _my_ pregnant girlfriend, and I will not stand for this silly shit any longer. I am not supposed to be the calm one! Do you understand?”

Staring for a long moment into his eyes, sorting out what he has said. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m not leaving again. I have nowhere else I belong.”

Pulling her hair a little tighter he kisses her lips roughly. “Good, because I’ve always known you belong here,” he tells her as he pulls her into his embrace.


End file.
